Porter's First Month

I can't believe our little Porter man is 1 month old already!  The last month has been a blur.  To say having a newborn has rocked our world would be an understatement!  My mom was here the first two weeks after we got home from the hospital.  She was a godsend! 

First bath at home!

He didn't love it!

I think he looks just like James' dad in this picture.  Mini Randall!

My dad was able to come visit for a few days and Deeds and Kim came down for the weekend to meet the little P man. 

I celebrated my first Mother's Day as a mother. What a special day!  We went to sacrament meeting with my mom.

My dad was so thoughtful and brought my mom, Dedo, Amy, and I our favorite cookies from Sequoia Sandwiches in Bakersfield for Mother's Day.

Here are just a few pictures I took of our little man...

He is very alert and doesn't close those eyes very often or for too long!

I had to include this pictures because the newborn diapers look so huge on him and we love that blue line that shows that he has peed!  Disposable diapers are awesome!

Here are just a few pictures from the last month...

Proud papa!

Scarlett holding Porter

Porter meeting his Grossen cousins!  Sophie adores him!

One Saturday morning we met up with the Young Men (1 showed up) and Young Women (1 showed up, the rest are leaders) for a practice run for their big 5 mile run coming up.

This is one of my most favorite pictures ever!

Even though a middle of the night blowout is not the funnest for the mom, I was overjoyed with this one.  He pooped (it has been over 5 days)!

Porter at 3 weeks and a picture of me at 3 weeks.  He might be a mini me!

Porter with is grandmas...

One time while breastfeeding Porter fell asleep and was smiling so I tried to capture his smiley face and captured this slightly creepy face...

And there's the smiley face...

Playing with Aunt Jenny and Scarlett

My scrawny boy!

We tried to go on a walk every day with Grandma to help me heal quicker and to get exercise.  My mom would strap on the Moby and away we went!

Luke thought it was the funnest to play peek-a-boo under the hooter hider while I was feeding Porter.

Luke's name for Porter is "Por Por".  He loves his little cousins.  I hope they will be best buds!

Cross-eyed!

He loves sleeping with is back arched.

What would I have done without my mom here.  I think I cried almost every day she was here just thinking about her leaving, and then bawled when she actually did leave.  How will we function without her?  I'm not quite sure how laundry, dishes, cleaning, meals, or my naps are going to get done now.  We love and miss her!  She also did about 100 projects for me including hemming all our curtains so they don't drag on the ground, weeding our entire backyard, putting sticky anti-sliding pad things in all our drawers (I'm OCD about my things sliding around when the drawers open and close), and helping me start to formulate some kind of budgeting system for us.  She is wonder woman!

Every day I would send James cute pictures of Porter so he wouldn't feel like he was missing out.  One day I sent him this one.  Little babies aren't all fun, cute snuggles!

I adore him!

First full block at church on May 17.  He is irate here, but calmed down as soon as we got him in the car and slept all through sacrament meeting.  I think we can do this!

Meeting Uncle Matt, Aunt Liz and cousin Max

He's an over achiever holding his own bottle.  Don't mind my unsnapped nursing bra!

Tummy time not going so well.  At least he's not screaming!

Porter won this night!  James is the best daddy and husband.  He'll get up with him in the early morning and take him downstairs so I can sleep a little longer.  I'm exhausted!

He loves his swaddle!

First bath in the big bathtub!

He didn't like when it was over.

One month old!

I will start by saying we love this little guy!  That being said, this has been the most difficult month of my life.  I don't think I've ever cried so much.  I think I cried at least once a day for the first 3 weeks we were home.  I cried because I didn't know if I could do this.  I cried because I thought I would never sleep through the night again.  I cried because breastfeeding is really hard work and it hurts and my body doesn't seem to be very good at it.  It's supposed to be natural right?  I mean Eve must have done it, and the pioneers, and everyone I know.  Why does it not seem to work for me?  I cried because I missed my old, carefree, selfish lifestyle.  I cried because I missed James even though I see him every day.  It's not the same.  I cried thinking about my mom leaving.  I cried because the nights were so hard and I felt completely alone.  I dreaded the nights.  I cried when Porter wouldn't stop crying.  I cried because recovering from a c-section isn't really fun.  I cried because taking a shower seemed like a huge accomplishment.  I cried thinking about going back to work and how our lives were going to function when I have squeeze 8 hours of work in every day (I still don't see how this will happen, but we'll figure it out).  I cried because I thought going to work didn't sound so bad compared to this being a mom thing and then I felt guilty for feeling that way.  I cried because all I felt like I did all day was sit on the couch and breastfeed while watch HGTV or Food Network.  I cried because I don't know what I'm doing but want to do a good job and not screw this kid up.  I cried because once upon a time I was fairly skinny and healthy and now my body is a total mess.  I cried because this precious little boy is ours and he's healthy and I love him.  So I probably had a little postpartum depression, but I think I was crying mostly because I am exhausted and my hormones are totally out of whack!  How is all that for full disclosure?  We are happy and we are going to do this parenthood thing!!

Happy 1 month on earth little buddy!  Porter wakes up every 1-2 hours at night and takes at least an hour to breastfeed.  He doesn't like to burp.  He doesn't spit up much which we love.  He loves people being around and doesn't like to be alone.  He loves his binkie and being swaddled while sleeping.  We swear he already is smiling back at us a little bit.  We can't wait to watch him grown and learn!