I have waited a good 24 hours to make sure I don't lash out in complete wrath. I found out yesterday from the boy mentioned in my previous post that he had taken a girl in the ward out a couple of times last week. He wasn't rude about it. He acted like it was a normal thing for him to tell me. Obviously, he was not as emotionally involved as I was. My immediate reaction was anger and hurt. Then it was just anger. Then it quickly turned into complete relief. That was all I needed to know to completely move on. I'm sort of disgusted by him at the moment. My disgust has nothing to do with the girl. She's actually a friend, and she's awesome. It just hurts to know how quickly he moved on while I sobbed my face off all last week. But I feel free now. I feel happy. At Family Home Evening last night, I actually introduced myself to people I didn't know. I actually engaged in conversations with people other than him (didn't talk to him at all, but in the past all my attention would have been on him) and my close friends. It felt so good! I'm back!
Every part of me wanted to remove my previous post. I feel embarrassed and sort of foolish for caring so much, but it was really what I was going through at the time so the post will stay. Huge learning experience! This is why I never date! Way too much drama! Haha! On to bigger and MUCH better things! Oh, and I'm going to go do the dishes now that have been in my sink for over a week! If you don't hear from me for a while, its because I have become Catholic and joined a convent! :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
All By Myself...But Not Really
This last week has been an absolute emotional rollercoaster for me. I don't want to get too personal, but I also don't want to forget everything I've learned either. Since 95% of my followers already know of the rollercoaster, I figure it's ok to bear my soul a little here. Hopefully not too many randoms will tune in and think I'm a crazy person.
Without getting into too many details, I met Kyle in August. We clicked immediately. We had tons in common and similar senses of humor and personalities. We were sort of inseparable. He became my best friend. Now hop on board the rollercoaster. We have so much fun together. It seems like it took an eternity to actually start dating. Then we dated for a total of nine days and broke up last Sunday. This was the first relationship I had been in since 1999. Don't shrivel up and die from that fact, but it is indeed a fact.
This is us last Saturday at Hickory Kist before the last BYU home game.
And this is Jimmer on his way to 38 pts.
And this is Heather and I watching Jimmer score 38 points.
And me and Kyle celebrating a conference championship. Can I just say that its sort of the most exciting thing ever to have a team that's awesome and a Jimmer that's awesome!?! This is something I've never experienced before with BYU basketball. Fun, fun, fun!
Jimmer cutting down a piece of the net.
Ok, I digress. I just had to post those basketball pictures. So anyway, we broke up a week ago today. We both knew our relationship wasn't the right thing to do, and I really felt good about the decision. Monday, I was still doing pretty good. Tuesday, not doing doing so good. I've never felt more alone in my life. Now, I've lived alone now for almost 5 years. I've always had lots of friends and family to keep me busy, and I really like living alone and having my own space. However, for the last 5 months or so, I've haven't really been alone in an emotional sense. I have cried and cried and cried this week. I called my mom sobbing. I talked to Amy sobbing. I talked to Kara sobbing. I talked to Haley sobbing. I sobbed while talking to Amber and while talking to Brett. I have been a disaster. That all being said, I still know it was the right decision, but it certainly hasn't been easy. How was I so content being single for the last 12 years of my life? I remember being annoyed with people who weren't independent and able to live on their own and be happy. It wasn't hard for me to be on my own and be happy. Then I had just a little taste of what it feels like to actually share my life with someone, and I can't even function on my own now. So this week has been a process of getting myself centered and re-focused on what really matters most.
I hate being at my apartment alone. I have tried to be away as much as possible. I still have dishes in the sink from last Sunday because I haven't been home long enough to do my dishes (and I hate doing dishes anyway, so no surprise there). Now I have to take a moment to say that I have the most amazing friends and family on earth. Within hours of informing everyone of my now single status, I had dinners planned for almost every night of last week. Olivia and Tricia had me over for dinner on Monday. Haley and I had dinner on Tuesday. Brett took me to dinner and movie on Wednesday. I went to Amy and Dan's for dinner on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (kinda invited myself...oopsies!). I have plans with Heather for dinner coming up soon. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you to everyone for all the love! P.S. It sure didn't help that all of my coworkers were gone all week, so I sat at work alone every day. Awesome! Actually, my coworkers were in a car accident down in New Mexico where they were driving for a project that I am leading. They are totally fine, but our car and equipment sure isn't. This actually made me take a break from my little pity party and be so thankful that they were ok. Some things are so much more important than others! Car accidents are scary things!
I went to the temple on Friday, which is always crucial for me in putting things in perspective. I also went snowshoeing yesterday with Tricia and Brett.
Now its Sunday. I've now been home alone for 3 hours, and I'm alive! :) I'm not going to lie, it has not been easy. I got a text from a friend about BYU's #3 seed in the NCAA Tournament. A text conversation with him filled some time. I watched the CES fireside from last Sunday that I had recorded. That filled some time. I still find myself looking at the clock and counting down how long I have to wait until I can go to ward prayer. How sad is that? Looking forward to going to ward prayer? Barf!
Now, I don't mean to be so dramatic. To most people this all probably sounds absurd. C'mon K-Cos...buck up and be a man (well, not a man, but you know what I mean!)! I am a strong woman. I know who I am. I feel silly being sad about this. I have a friend who is battling cancer right now fighting for her life. That makes my little trial seem ridiculous. I have another friend who's husband recently passed away. I can't even imagine how it would feel to go through type of loneliness. I have a new found respect and love for her and her strength.
I get kind of excited thinking about all the time I have now to do all things that I've been wanting to do. I can go back and finish reading that book I started two months ago. I can start doing some exercise in the evening again instead of only in the morning. Maybe I'll take a hip hop or kickboxing class. I should look into really taking a photography class and developing that talent. I have a few friends that I really need to back in touch with. I have some work and personal trips coming up that will be so fun!
I still miss my best friend terribly! The whole losing your best friend part of a relationship ending is the worst, but I've learned valuable lessons! I taught a lesson in Gospel Doctrine today on Matthew 11:28-30. That was a little miracle right there. I wasn't supposed to teach this week, but my friend ended up being out of town so we switched Sundays. I got to read those verses over and over this week while preparing. I know that I'm never alone. Not only do I have the most incredible family and friends, but I also always the Savior. He knows better than anyone what it feels like to be alone. If I trust in Him and keep His commandments, He will succor me and He has a lot this week.
Sorry for the dramatic post. I really am ok. This has just been a huge learning experience for me. I don't do well with learning experiences, but I sure need them! I now know why it says in the scriptures that man is not meant to be alone. Life is meant to be experienced and cherished with people you love! Hurray for new experiences and endless opportunities ahead! And GO JIMMER!!
Without getting into too many details, I met Kyle in August. We clicked immediately. We had tons in common and similar senses of humor and personalities. We were sort of inseparable. He became my best friend. Now hop on board the rollercoaster. We have so much fun together. It seems like it took an eternity to actually start dating. Then we dated for a total of nine days and broke up last Sunday. This was the first relationship I had been in since 1999. Don't shrivel up and die from that fact, but it is indeed a fact.
This is us last Saturday at Hickory Kist before the last BYU home game.
And this is Jimmer on his way to 38 pts.
And this is Heather and I watching Jimmer score 38 points.
And me and Kyle celebrating a conference championship. Can I just say that its sort of the most exciting thing ever to have a team that's awesome and a Jimmer that's awesome!?! This is something I've never experienced before with BYU basketball. Fun, fun, fun!
Jimmer cutting down a piece of the net.
Ok, I digress. I just had to post those basketball pictures. So anyway, we broke up a week ago today. We both knew our relationship wasn't the right thing to do, and I really felt good about the decision. Monday, I was still doing pretty good. Tuesday, not doing doing so good. I've never felt more alone in my life. Now, I've lived alone now for almost 5 years. I've always had lots of friends and family to keep me busy, and I really like living alone and having my own space. However, for the last 5 months or so, I've haven't really been alone in an emotional sense. I have cried and cried and cried this week. I called my mom sobbing. I talked to Amy sobbing. I talked to Kara sobbing. I talked to Haley sobbing. I sobbed while talking to Amber and while talking to Brett. I have been a disaster. That all being said, I still know it was the right decision, but it certainly hasn't been easy. How was I so content being single for the last 12 years of my life? I remember being annoyed with people who weren't independent and able to live on their own and be happy. It wasn't hard for me to be on my own and be happy. Then I had just a little taste of what it feels like to actually share my life with someone, and I can't even function on my own now. So this week has been a process of getting myself centered and re-focused on what really matters most.I hate being at my apartment alone. I have tried to be away as much as possible. I still have dishes in the sink from last Sunday because I haven't been home long enough to do my dishes (and I hate doing dishes anyway, so no surprise there). Now I have to take a moment to say that I have the most amazing friends and family on earth. Within hours of informing everyone of my now single status, I had dinners planned for almost every night of last week. Olivia and Tricia had me over for dinner on Monday. Haley and I had dinner on Tuesday. Brett took me to dinner and movie on Wednesday. I went to Amy and Dan's for dinner on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (kinda invited myself...oopsies!). I have plans with Heather for dinner coming up soon. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you to everyone for all the love! P.S. It sure didn't help that all of my coworkers were gone all week, so I sat at work alone every day. Awesome! Actually, my coworkers were in a car accident down in New Mexico where they were driving for a project that I am leading. They are totally fine, but our car and equipment sure isn't. This actually made me take a break from my little pity party and be so thankful that they were ok. Some things are so much more important than others! Car accidents are scary things!
I went to the temple on Friday, which is always crucial for me in putting things in perspective. I also went snowshoeing yesterday with Tricia and Brett.
Now its Sunday. I've now been home alone for 3 hours, and I'm alive! :) I'm not going to lie, it has not been easy. I got a text from a friend about BYU's #3 seed in the NCAA Tournament. A text conversation with him filled some time. I watched the CES fireside from last Sunday that I had recorded. That filled some time. I still find myself looking at the clock and counting down how long I have to wait until I can go to ward prayer. How sad is that? Looking forward to going to ward prayer? Barf!Now, I don't mean to be so dramatic. To most people this all probably sounds absurd. C'mon K-Cos...buck up and be a man (well, not a man, but you know what I mean!)! I am a strong woman. I know who I am. I feel silly being sad about this. I have a friend who is battling cancer right now fighting for her life. That makes my little trial seem ridiculous. I have another friend who's husband recently passed away. I can't even imagine how it would feel to go through type of loneliness. I have a new found respect and love for her and her strength.
I get kind of excited thinking about all the time I have now to do all things that I've been wanting to do. I can go back and finish reading that book I started two months ago. I can start doing some exercise in the evening again instead of only in the morning. Maybe I'll take a hip hop or kickboxing class. I should look into really taking a photography class and developing that talent. I have a few friends that I really need to back in touch with. I have some work and personal trips coming up that will be so fun!
I still miss my best friend terribly! The whole losing your best friend part of a relationship ending is the worst, but I've learned valuable lessons! I taught a lesson in Gospel Doctrine today on Matthew 11:28-30. That was a little miracle right there. I wasn't supposed to teach this week, but my friend ended up being out of town so we switched Sundays. I got to read those verses over and over this week while preparing. I know that I'm never alone. Not only do I have the most incredible family and friends, but I also always the Savior. He knows better than anyone what it feels like to be alone. If I trust in Him and keep His commandments, He will succor me and He has a lot this week.
Sorry for the dramatic post. I really am ok. This has just been a huge learning experience for me. I don't do well with learning experiences, but I sure need them! I now know why it says in the scriptures that man is not meant to be alone. Life is meant to be experienced and cherished with people you love! Hurray for new experiences and endless opportunities ahead! And GO JIMMER!!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Best of Times, Worst of Times
Best of times: Walking out to my car after work and finding Amy there with Jack and Sophie. This quickly turned into headband time at my apt.
Best of times: Riding the bike with Jack. New headbands.
Best of times: This little face!
Best of times: Kissing this little face!
Best of times: This face!
And this one...
And this one!
Best of times: Watching Jimmer in action!
Best of times: Hanging out with Heather! Great seats!
Worst of times: The Cougs playing the worst basketball ever known to man!
Worst of times: The Cougs still playing the worst basketball ever known to man!
Best of times: Hanging out with this boy!
Rollercoaster of a day, but you win some and you lose some I guess. I'll try and focus on the best of times!
Best of times: Riding the bike with Jack. New headbands.
Best of times: This little face!
Best of times: Kissing this little face!
Best of times: This face!
And this one...
And this one!
Best of times: Watching Jimmer in action!
Best of times: Hanging out with Heather! Great seats!
Worst of times: The Cougs playing the worst basketball ever known to man!
Worst of times: The Cougs still playing the worst basketball ever known to man!
Best of times: Hanging out with this boy!
Rollercoaster of a day, but you win some and you lose some I guess. I'll try and focus on the best of times!
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