New Me

I did something this weekend that I would never in a million trillion years thought possible. I jogged 6.2 miles. A year ago, I am 100% positive that I could not have run 0.6 miles without dying. What a difference a year makes! So this post is going to be a bit spiritual, but pictures of my race and other southern Utah adventures will be posted soon. At church yesterday, there was general theme of relying on the Lord and accepting help from others in our testimony meeting. I felt like I could probably share my testimony, but I procrastinated too long. So I will bear my testimony here. I am the most independent and stubborn person ever. I like being self-reliant and taking care of myself. I think I know what is best for me, and I do quite well at taking care of myself in most aspects in my life. Call it a blessing or a curse, but almost everything comes really easily to me. Whether it’s academic, athletic, crafty, work-related, etc., I catch on to things quickly and do well. One thing that I had never been good at was taking care of my body. I never was a person who hit fast food drive-thrus every day and ate four cheeseburgers at once, but I also never cared much about what I put into my body. Well, I cared, but I never cared enough to have some self-control. I also never exercised.
On Jan. 1, 2010, I decided to take a stab at changing that. I say “take a stab” because I was committed, but also very hesitant. I didn’t want to tell anyone about my new plan just in case I failed at it. However, something had finally clicked inside my head that my body is a gift from my Heavenly Father, and I wasn’t treating it with the respect and care that it deserved. It also finally clicked that Jesus Christ performed the Atonement not only to redeem us from sin (which it does perfectly), but He also felt every weakness, disappointment, discouragement, temptation, and sorrow that we have ever and will ever feel so that He could succor us (see Alma 7) and help us make weaknesses into strengths. The Atonement is truly infinite. That means that He knows what it feels like to be fat and unable to do everything you want to do. He knows what it feels like when your friends are going to go on a hike but you know you would never make it so you make up some excuse and stay home. He knows what it feels like when the activity for Family Home Evening is something physical and you are too embarrassed to go because you will be a sweaty, panting mess. He knows what it feels like to be surrounded by delicious and very unhealthy food and conflicted with whether to eat some or not (P.S. this is every activity in a singles ward and every gathering with friends/family). He knows what it feels like to be treated like you don’t even exist because you are overweight. He knows what it feels like to not be able to much physically without wanting to die. Because He knows all these things, then there was no one better to help me through all these trials. I laid everything at His feet. There was no way, and I mean NO way, that I could ever accomplish this on my own. I was weak. I didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t know what was going to work for me. I had never tried to lose weight before. I had no idea what to expect.
Looking back now, I can honestly say that it hasn’t been anywhere near as hard as I thought it would be. I know that this is because I’ve had my Savior as my strength, and I have made him a part of every aspect of my journey. It sounds stupid to say that Jesus Christ helped me lose weight and get healthy, but it is true. I can’t think of a single time that my alarm clock went off at 5:26am that I felt tempted to sleep in. It has just never happened. I have been given strength, self-discipline, and courage beyond anything I could imagine. From January 1 until about the end of September, I somehow found time to exercise two hours every day Monday-Thursday and one hour on Fridays and Saturdays. I very rarely missed a workout. I don’t know how that happened, but somehow the days were longer and I could get more done. Since September, I have never missed a morning workout, and I get my night workouts in as often as I can. What can I say? My social life has picked up in the last few months and I’m a busy girl! I can honestly say that I love working out. I love feeling my heart rate up. I love working out so hard that I’m sore the next day. I love getting head-to-toe dripping sweaty. Love it all!
The food thing has been a little more difficult. Eating on my own is no big deal. I have found several things that I love and that work for me. The social part of eating has been more challenging, but I have figured out ways to make it work. If I know there is going to be food at some activity, I’ll eat beforehand or I will bring my own version of what’s being served that fits into my diet. If we are going out to eat, I have no shame in ordering exactly what I want even it means a lengthy conversation with the waiter. Let’s just say, I have eaten a lot of salads and I think I’m single-handedly keeping Subway in business. Every day is a challenge, but I like the challenge. Every day I think, how awesome can I be with my health today? And if I fall a little short, that makes the next day and even bigger challenge.
On the surface, losing weight and getting healthy seems like an individual effort. After all, I’m the one making all the decisions of how much to work out and what to eat. In large part, that is true, but I could have never done this on my own. I had the support of everyone in my family. I had people who have inspired me like my dad, and my friends, Emily and Marchelle, in their own journeys to be healthy. I had the support of so many of my dear friends (Heather, Michelle, Amber, Brett, Tricia, etc.). It makes such a difference to have people who support your decisions (even if they seem crazy) and encourage you every step of the way. So I’ve learned that I can’t do everything on my own. I need help and support from people around me, and more importantly, I need the help of my Savior, Jesus Christ. There are some things that I simply can’t do on my own. If I allow Him to be a part of changing myself, then I will be successful and I will become the person that He knows I can become. And some days I might just be able to something I never in a million trillion years thought I could do, like jog 6.2 miles!